The Beginning

{Sidenote: this is my first time using wordpress, and I don’t really know all the ropes, so please bear with me if something looks strange.  I’m still trying to figure it all out!}

Today we had some GREAT conversations with couples from our church who have adopted domestically and are fostering, respectively.  Boyd and I received SO much good information that our brains are still trying to process it all!  We still have one other family we’d like to visit with – a family in our homeschool group currently fostering-to-adopt – and we have some meetings we’re going to in the next 2-3 weeks to get more information.  {FYI – as our path becomes more definite, be prepared for adoption/fostering information overload.  Consider yourself warned. 😉 }  Please pray that God’s vision for our family would continue to come into focus!

So in the meantime, I thought I would post our story and how we’ve come to this point in our journey of faith and as a family.  This might bore you to tears and if so, that’s totally OK.  I’m recording it more for posterity’s sake, so I can have a record of the moments God has brought us through to get to this place (dang that coumadin, always stripping bits of my memory away!).  It is truly a testimony of His grace over our lives!

Our journey to adoption begins all the way back in 2005.  Yes, even then God was preparing us for adoption, though if you’d asked me at that time, I would have said, “No way, Jose!”  I had just quit my super-stressful job at the investment firm and moved into a part-time, zero-stress job at our church.  By part-time, I mean I worked 20 hours a week and most days I could get all my work done within 45 minutes.  Boyd’s job was continuing to grow in skill, position, and income.  We decided that now that I was out of the stressful world of finance (how can you not be stressed working with money for clients who have millions of dollars in the bank???) that we were ready to start a family.

About 5 minutes later (not literally, but you get my point), I was pregnant.  And overjoyed.  Obviously I was ecstatic about our impending arrival, but I was also crazy-happy over how quickly I got pregnant once we actually started trying.  Our lifetime of having complete control over when our children would be born stretched out before me, and I was giddy.  (Please don’t judge me too harshly.  I am only being honest here about what all went through my head at that time.  God used it and humbled me, I promise you that.)  I had watched friends go through periods of infertility, waiting every month to see if that month would be the one, and I grieved for them.  I rejoiced for us because at the time, it looked like that would not be a struggle for our family.

With the exception of one scare when I started bleeding (foreshadowing if there ever was some), I had a super-easy pregnancy & delivery.  Our little blue-eyed treasure came into the world as perfect as every parent sees their own child.  Boyd and I decided that I would continue to work after SC was born.  Our church was gracious enough to let me bring her to work with me.  The first year was so easy.  She slept almost the whole time I was at work (aren’t the newborn months awesome like that?!?) and the church gave me flexibility to nurse/pump when I needed to.  As she got older, she still needed a morning nap but with so little to do it was very easy for me to get my work done while she napped.  The rest of the time she sat in the office with me and played.

Then, just before she turned 1, we upped and moved to New Orleans.  Boyd took a job with the school, and it was quite an adjustment for us.  At the time we left Shreveport, the economy was booming and his photography business was flourishing.  It was hard to drop down to about 1/3 of what we’d been accustomed to living on.  At the time, we knew I needed a job because we just didn’t think we could make it on his salary alone.  {In hindsight, the truth is we could have, but we were used to living at a different standard and couldn’t figure out how the bills would get paid without an additional salary.  Sometimes by grace the Lord allows you to move down slowly.}  But we also didn’t want to to put SC in day care, and I wasn’t too thrilled about returning to the business world, especially since it was at the point where all my licenses were expired and I would have to retest on everything.  Talk about starting over from scratch!

Ya’ll, God is just so good.  He provided a job at a church where, once again, I could take SC and have her with me all day.  The hours were longer and there was a good bit more to do, work-wise, but it was an answered prayer.

The following year was great.  SC still took 2 naps a day and so during those large chunks of time I was able to get all my daily work done.  The nursery was right across the hall so I could keep an eye on her from the desk.  That was great for a while.  But by 2 she had dropped her morning nap.  I was finding it harder and harder to balance mothering & working, but it was still doable.  By 3, she had dropped all naps altogether.  {And all the moms reading this gave a collective sigh – I KNOW.  It’s a terrible moment when those naps disappear.}

I am sharing the minutiae of her nap schedule because it played a crucial role in our “family planning.”  For that entire 3rd year (2009) I came home at least once a week crying because I felt I just couldn’t do it anymore.  It didn’t help that the enemy was shooting his favorite arrow – GUILT – into me every. single. day.  Now that I had a cognitive, intelligent toddler on my hands, I felt guilty when I wasn’t spending time with her, when I wasn’t teaching her, or when I just parked her in front of a movie so I could get some work done.  But on the flip side, if I spent too much time with her, I felt guilty for being paid for time I wasn’t spending working.  I felt like I was walking on a tightrope and fell off one side into failure every day.  Adding another baby at that point was out of the question.  I could barely keep my sanity with just one, much less two!  I held tight to the reigns of control over the number of our family and refused to let go.

{Sidenote: once again I’d just like to ask for grace, as I’m sure there are some of you who might be shaking your heads in disappointment over those last few sentences.  If 2009 taught me anything, it’s that I need to check my judgment of other mothers AT. THE. DOOR.  You really don’t know how difficult something is until you’ve walked through it.  Sometimes we respond appropriately and biblically in tough times; sometimes we don’t.  That’s the cold, hard truth, and proof of the very reason we are so desperately in need of the grace offered through the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Trying to work a (nearly) full-time job and keep a super-busy 3 year old all day at the same time and do a good job at both is the single hardest thing I’ve ever done.  And while I’m sure an argument can be made that I just needed to pray for more patience, strength, etc., I can assure you I was praying fervently for ALL those things – daily.}

Finally, after much prayer (and tears on my part), Boyd and I came to the decision that what was best for our family was for me to quit and stay home full-time.  It was a leap of faith because we would be stepping into “raven-territory” where God would have to provide for us miraculously.  {Oh, but He did, and in such glorious ways!  But that’s another post for another day.}  I think the church could tell that it was time to make a change as well, so we were all in agreement.  And so with a happy and relieved heart, I gave my notice for the end of the year of 2009.  I was going to be a stay-at-home-mom!

I immediately began to fashion plans in my head of what the next year would look like.  Boyd and I discussed beginning to try for another baby as soon as January rolled around.  Basing my calculations on how quickly I got pregnant the previous time we tried, I fully expected we would be holding a newborn by Christmas of 2010.

I would soon find out that 2010 held a plan completely different from the one in my head.

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3 thoughts on “The Beginning

  1. Pingback: The Incident « Growing because of His Grace

  2. Pingback: The Ashes « Growing because of His Grace

  3. Pingback: The Beauty « Growing because of His Grace

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